mab3oos: March 2009

April Fools Day Ideas for Jordanians

kiss your wife before heading to work and wish her a good day. Do not, and I repeat, Do Not ask about lunch.
have a sense of humor and fake being happy all day
go to work early and sincerely help customers (مراجعين)
for all of your phone calls that day, get to the point right away
make some mansaf-flavored hareeseh and bring it to work
give your coworkers this survey and discuss it loudly in the office
pretend to recycle stuff
when someone starts to gossip, ask them to refrain
if a girl, try no make up. (for Arab girls, less make up=less scary!)
email this list to a friend as part of #2 above

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The Only Arab Girl You Should Date

Is the one you hate the most. Soon after your first encounter, her family would take care of her for you.

http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn306/sahary/0c032bdde26689d-1.jpg

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Ten signs you are getting old

Hot chicks start to call you 3ammo (عمّو , uncle)
Cars made the year you were born are described as "classic"
Cute/sad faces to solicit sympathy at the DMV make you look gay instead
Pythagorean theorem would start to sound more medical than mathematical
أٌم كلثوم is your new favorite singer
You won't smile in public because it's عيب
You spend more time looking for a closer parking spot than actually shopping
you would watch the news just for the weather forecast
numbers start to get you confused

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Honor Killing is only a stage...

...the final stage in the way honor is "defended." When talking about honor killings happening in Jordan, one must look at all the symptoms and roads leading to one killing his daughter/sister/wife. The story begins shortly after a girl is born, when she is confined to the kitchen to stay around the other women and learn how to take care of her own house one day. She lives a life that is all restrictions, rules, and No's. Some give in to the way their lives have been drawn out, others try to push back. They try to at least get what the male siblings get; equality. Be it education, clothing, or mere acknowledgment, its worth speaking out. They soon find it better to have just accepted reality; once the onslaught of attacks begins to pour in. The father (or brother) usually are armed with an arsenal of anecdotal, quasi-religious, or skewed cultural practices to support their actions. Many times they are aided by the mother and other female relatives out of fear of being next. Words such as فضحتينا، عيب، حرام، ما بيصير are only the verbal part. The physical part is more often used to teach lessons, exert influence, and to set the system back in order.

This is only the part before becoming an adult. Its then that the real "defending" takes place. The intensifying double standards, the girl-only religious practices, and the creation of a parallel world home to the family's females start to take more obvious signs.
many signs point to this reality:

when women walk behind their husbands
when women get beaten at home by their husbands
when women are convinced to إكسر ا لشّر and return to their husbands by their families
when the طاعة زوجية laws are still in place
when women are still looking for السترة when suitors come knocking

The girl gets married, and the process is repeated. As if females are the wild to be tamed by the Arab that never managed to evolve with the rest of the human race. The Arab that still has the mentality of a caveman in a quest to prove his manhood and to be the man.

I wish those cavemen were the exception to the rule. they are not. Honor crimes in Jordan are the reality; the practice; the norm. The killing part might be the only thing actually making the news. The rest of the story is always held back in fear of being in the news.

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Fmylife.com - FML #9321

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

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Announcing the first annual Jordanian Bloggers Beauty Pageant

Please make your nominations somewhere, vote for whomever you think is the hottest, and have her call me.

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Sling Box Rocks

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أُخته مادونا إللي ما يزقف، لمّا الفيصلي يهدّف(B4JO)

http://www.khaberni.com/assets/images/9315_10286.jpg

تربت تتوت وحدات تربت تتوت وحدات
التكسي الاصفر زمّر زموره *** *** الوحدات على جمهوره
واحد...ثنين... طلقها يا أبو حسين
الفاتحة على روح يتسحاق رابين
الدوري ولّع ولّع، جيبوله إطفائية

Alfaisali vs Wihdat is the fiercest of all rivalries. But, that's not what makes their matches special. Every other country in the world has one or more of such fierce competitions, such as Barcelona-Real Madrid, Ahli-Zamalik, Raiders-Chiefs, and even Stanford-Cal. In Jordan it carries a different meaning: its an International Rivalry within the country itself. Although Alfaisali and Wihdat are two clubs in the same Jordanian [unprofessional] league, their rivalry is nothing short of an international one. Ever since the inception of the Wihdat sports club (الضفتين سابقا), it carried the support of Palestinians in Jordan. At the same time, Alfaisaly enjoyed the support of those that are [real] Jordanians. Every match the two teams play is labeled قمة (the big one) by the local media. Preparations are to be taken seriously as their meetings are usually charged with politics and current events. Almost every match ends with riots. Every spectator ignores the الرياضة روح و أخلاق motto the Jordanian government has been trying to force feed them. Every game solidifies the divide the government so insincerely tries to dispel.

In their latest match, the fans of both teams made sure not to cross into the trap of civility and launched an after game party of شغب of their own in a quest to continue the tradition.

و بطل الملاعب أُردني
يا منتكبنا الوطني

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Map of Arabs in America

I am not expecting this map to change a lot in next year's census. But, I'll wait for the numbers to come out to have a closer look at the socioeconomic aspects of Arabs in the States. comparing them to those of 2000 should shed a light on how the current economic meltdown has affected them. Then I will sell the study to the gold4cash people!

mmm....Excellent!

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Analyzing King Abdullah's Accent: إحنا إللي عم نفتح الموضوع

I know that King Abdullah faced difficulties with using Arabic on a daily basis when he first ascended the throne. But, ten years after becoming a king of Jordan, his Majesty's accent is still a mix of regional accents that someone would pick up by watching Arabic satellite channels.

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the funniest I have seen in a long time

wait until you see the score at the end. that's the funny part!

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مطلوب للعمل: راعي غنم

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Hulu is Racist

I keep embedding Hulu videos in here only to be told by readers that the video can't be viewed if they're out of the US. This is bull. Why would they restrict the enjoyment of the posted videos and have others download them and watch them somewhere else for Free?

What if a beaner wanted to get away from telenovelas' teenagers getting pregnant, "Dios mio!" moments, or a mariachi band in a bar scenes?
What if an Arab terrorist wanted to savor the moments when Crank Yankers make real prank calls?
What if a Canadian wuss wanted to man up a little and watch the Man Show?
What if a stinky European wanted to put down his pretentious wine glass and watch some Jack Ass adventurous fun?
What if a reeking Indian wanted to fast from curry for one day an watch Hell's Kitchen?
What if some Chinese kid wanted to see all the Jokes Jay Leno makes of him sewing shoes?

Racism should not be something that Hulu is known for. Viewing the site should be open to all those who are interested. May be the Pochos, Ragheads, Peppers, Farangs, Bindis and Ching-Chungs, would change their mind about the Yankee Doodles.

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It's a jungle out there

It's a jungle out there
Disorder and confusion everywhere
No one seems to care. Well I do.
Hey, who's in charge here?
It's a jungle out there
Poison in the very air we breathe
Do you know what's in the water that you drink?
Well I do, and it's amazing
People think I'm crazy, 'cause I worry all the time
If you paid attention, you'd be worried too
You better pay attention
Or this world we love so much might just kill you
I could be wrong now, but I don't think so.
It's a jungle out there.

Watch it here.