This post was brought to you by the: عمى إللي يعمي ضوّك foundation.
- disregard any professional education or degrees and focus on recruiting the wasta with the best prospects
- get appointed in a position that is not even remotely related to your qualifications
- get rooted in your new position and start forming alliances and learning the ropes
- determine whom to suck up to. this largely dependent on that person's grade (درجة) and that person's position and connections
- Take advantage of the actual reasons behind taking this government job in the first place. all benefits, such as health insurance, social security, كرت الموؤسسة المدنية, and working from 8-2, and spend time during the day taking care of your own business.
- Spend most of the day receiving guests and serving them coffee and tea, reading newspapers and gossiping
- Climb السلم الوظيفي درجة درجة, and never work on improving your skills, earning a higher degree, or faithfully and sincerely participating in workshops and training sessions
- strive to earn the most in مياومات by traveling to participate in aimless conferences
- I knew a guy that worked for GAM. He would arrive in the morning, hang his blazer on his chair, take off to his other job, and come back later in the day to sign out
- I noticed more than once ladies in MoH clinic in Amman بينقروا كوسا or/and knitting
- A math teacher in my high school used to also teach at a private school during official hours
In their pursuit of a permit from the Interior Ministry, the group employed the dynamics and reach of various social networking websites. They tweeted and poked the hell out of every Jordanian college student into joining in. The apparent success of the group was credited to young Jordanians desire to be a force of change in a Parliament made up of a group of corrupt ختيارية، حرامية، و مشايخ.
In the coming months, the group will focus its attention at launching satellite offices in all 12 governorates, hire canvassers for a door to door campaign, and work on administrative duties, such as drawing out the internal hierarchy, internal elections, and working out their strategy for the next Parliamentary elections.
- 67% said that their civil law allows them the freedom of movement and they were simply gathering at the other side to protest the low quality of علف (feed)
- 42% refrained from answering and argued that the equality they enjoy, along many other farm animals, should be a reason for people to focus on an إبن كلب that also crossed the road that same day
- 53% said: what's in it for you? Beat it, punk!
- 23% said والله يا خالتو كنّا زهقانين فا طلعنا نشم شويّة هوا. مأنت عارفنا عايشين بخم جاج
- and 3% refrained from answering citing the fifth amendment (not to self incriminate)
شعارنا: جاجاتنا و جاجاتكم رعين سوى
Jameed makers from all Jordan's locales will offer samples of dozens of different varieties of Jameed produced in the country, ranging from salty and semi-salty to creamy and low fat مِريس quality Jameed. (if you don't know what مِريس is, get the hell out of my blog this very moment)
In addition, festival guests will get to meet and talk to local Jameed makers to learn more about the exceptional process of producing rich, tasteful Jameed in the many small dairies in local towns and villages.
Festival events will also feature:
- An awareness campaign of the dangers of جميد سائل and جميد بودرة
- The art of making خبز شراك
- Mansaf competitions showcasing regions' best recipes and methods
- Mansaf Eating techniques workshops with the motto: فلقة لكل معلقة
- Jameed Speed: a liquefying race pitting participants against each other for the fastest time to مرس one head of Jameed
- the launch of the "Moulinex is not your friend" ad campaign.
- Authentic desserts pairing and tasting seminars that will include راحة، سلفانة، توفة ناشد، و لزّاقيات
- the art of using المهباش
- Musical entertainment from the region’s best ربابة players and a competition for the best singer of the timeless song: يا ذيب ياالي بتالي الليل تِعوّيييييي
- A دِحيّة workshop to reintroduce the fading art of this high energy dance
Sponsorship and advertising opportunities, as well as vendor applications are now
available on the festival website at www.جميد.com. Tickets may be purchased via the festival web site for نصّ ليرة in advance or at the festivities locations.
"mansaf can kick the magloobeh's ass any day of the week" foundation
President Obama signed into law a bill that outlaws the use of flavorings in tobacco among other things. This wording, flavoring, brought to mind the creativity in Hookah tobacco's (معسّل) flavors available these days. It's the flavoring that made hookahs so popular. If the tobacco was limited to plain or just تمباك, people wouldn't have taken to smoking it almost daily. Sign this petition asking for an exemption from the new rules. I am sure Obama would agree given that he smokes hookah daily on the White House's balcony.
Update: After reading the text of the Act, it seems that Hookah tobacco isn't targeted. The Act focuses on cigarettes and cigarillos that are usually marketed to teenagers with fruit flavors, the labeling of cigarettes as light/ultralight, and a lot about actually marketing near schools and in sports.
- the announcement of Jameed festival
- the career path of a Jordanian Government Employee
- reviewing the upcoming Jordanian Government (وحياتكم إتس كمنج)
- Those plot-spoilers ruining movies under the guise of "movie reviews"
- Why the Parliament should lock out the incompetent Jordanian Press
- Why Ammonnews is popular
This press release contains forward-looking statements that involve risks, uncertainties and assumptions that could cause our results to differ materially from those expressed or implied by such forward-looking statements. All statements, other than statements of historical fact, are statements that could be deemed "forward-looking statements" within the meaning of the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995
ماجد...هيّا نرى ماجد...ماجد...دايما متواجد
اعطاني الله صوتا و لسان
اسمع و ارى اصحو و انام
احب اللعب و احب الكل
و اريد ان اصبح يوما إنسان
يمكنني ان اعطي الالوان
ارقص و اغني و انشر فنّي
اكون محبوب جميلا لانّي
و اسكن قصرا X3
به العب؟ و به بستان
ماجد...هيّا نرى ماجد...ماجد...دايما متواجد
It is about time for Jordanians to come up with lasting traditions that pull together all people without any regard to religious or national origin affiliations and hold dcelebrations over a whole weekend. I am not proposing a "running of the camels festival," but something that could engage all Jordanians because Jordan Festival is more like an extended concert that only the richer could attend. I can't imagine a family of 5 paying ~200 JDs to go to Jerash and see كاظم الساهر in concert, if the family's income is more like ~300 a month.
We mab3oos the international playboy, the supreme leader, the dean of all rulers, the king of kings and the imam of all religions direct as follows:
In accordance with the provisions contained in Article 12 of Law 2/2007 dated December 10th, concerning the Organization and Functioning of the General Administration of the exiled cabinet, at the recommendation of the mab3oosian court advisers and council of the national political movement, we decree:
- Ministers of Health and Human Service Bert and Ernie
- State Minister for Media and Communication Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf
- State Minister for Parliamentary Affairs Rod R. Blagojevich
- Minster of Agriculture Old MacDonald
- Minister of Water and Irrigation Ghadeer
- Minister of Environment Al Gore
- Minister of Labor Issa bin Zayed al Nahyan
- Minister of Awqaf and Islamic Affairs L. Ron Hubbard
- Minister of Finance Ebenezer Scrooge
- Minister of Health Dr. Seuss
- Ministers of Tourism and Antiquities Jordan and Petra
- Minister of Rural Affairs Someone named مجحم
- Minister of Public Performance (nobody wanted this one)
- Minister of Education سالم الكردي
- Minister of Culture Abu Mahjoob
- Minister of Transport Lee Iacocca
- Minister of Energy and Mineral Resources Dietrich Mateschitz
- 102nd in Gross Domestic Product @ $3,421 per capita
- 90th in the Human Development Index @ 0.769 (1 is highest possible)
- 19th in immigrants @ 16% of population
- 57th in income equality @ 0.39 (1 is perfect equality)
- 104th in infant mortality @ 19.4 (per 1000 live births)
- 90th in intentional homicide @ 6.33 per 100,000 inhabitants
- 28th in life expectancy @ 78.55 years
- 83rd in literacy rate @ 91.1%
- 28th poverty rate @ 14.2% of the population
- 43rd in malnourished population at 7% of population
- 101st in ease of doing business
- 147th in Current Account Balance @ -$2.778 Billions (exports vs. imports)
- 100th in Greenhouse Gas Emissions @ 4.2 tonnes per capita
- 126th in FIFA Football World ranking
- you get the point!
As of this moment:
- I have acquired the Global Domination (Enslave the human race) machine from Stewie and that should take care of national security concerns.
- I have set a $1 million fee to enter the cabinet at the ministerial level. If you buy the rights to two ministerial positions you get one امين عام and one رئيس هيئة plus an all you can eat "special committees" buffet for free.
- I have set the limit on how many of your family/tribe members to be allowed to hold government positions concurrently at 16 (I couldn't come up with a reason. So, as the prime minister, I am immune from all and any questioning)
- I am waiting on a final decision from Dr. Seuss to take the helm at the Ministry of Health and Uncle Scrooge as Finance Minister.
- Abu Ali (the guy form the "abu ali has a farm in the Jordan Valley" song) will be in charge of ministry of agriculture
Damn supply and damn demand:
Why cheap hogs and costly ham?
Bargain wheat, expensive flour,
The oldest villain’s market power.
Just one seller makes us nervous,
Like that U.S. Postal Service:
They may offer bargain prices,
But who disciplines their vices?
We let data speak its mind
No matter what Friedman opined
And find the price of fruit and veg
To be driven by the market’s edge.
Like the tail that wags the dog,
Marginal thinking clears the fog:
Sellers, buyers, traders too,
Interact and prices ensue.
A kiwi costs 33 cents
Simply because no one prevents
Another farm or New York store
From entering and selling more.
In contrast apples may be dear,
For reasons that will soon be clear:
Picking them’s below our station,
To lower costs we need migration.
Bananas have a different story,
Seedless magic, breeder’s glory,
Cheap to harvest and to ship,
Who cares if workers get paid zip?
Each crop’s method of production,
Where it grows and how it’s trucked in,
Satisfies some needs quite cheaply
While other costs will rise more steeply.
A buyer’s choices matter too,
For nonsense stuff like posh shampoo,
Prices are not down to earth,
The more you pay the more it’s worth.
Behavior is as behavior does,
Maybe some things are “just because,”
Much of life’s a mystery,
A habit due to history.
For prices, though, it’s competition
Plus tariffs set by politicians,
That determines whether we see
Such delightfully cheap kiwi.
If his majesty really means to be عازمون على مراجعة شاملـة لتقييم تجربتنا وتســريع عمليـــة الإصلاح, there must be a way for Jordanians to come out and constructively critique the system. There is no way problems would be solved if people are afraid of speaking their mind. Problems wouldn't be even known if everyone projects roses and fake smiles.
What is needed is for journalists to push the envelop. Especially in Arabic Media. You can write in English all day, the government likes that. It projects the fake Freedom of Press. But, In Arabic, the public takes notice. There is a better chance of resurrecting the god damned Jordanian street.
No me importa : me vale madre
Qué Linda : Ay mamacita
Váyase : vete a la verga
No manches: No mames
De nada: Denalgas
Therefore, the government in Lebanon is based on the following:
- The president is chosen by the parliament. S/he has to be Maronite Christian of Sunni-Shia parents and has had Druz neighbors. However, to be considered for the presidency, the candidate must also be BFF with Syria and fluent in French and Arabic of the حبيب ألبي type.
- The prime minister must be a Purebred Sunni. That is having Sunni Parents, All friends must be Sunni and النسايب must all be Sunni. In addition, s/he must have been a Saudi pet in current or past incarnations. As a Sunni, also the candidate must be looooooaded.
- The Speaker of the parliament must be Shia and scary looking (i.e. وِجّو متل ورئة النعوة). Good looking Shia are shunned and usually are chastised by the other 9 Lebanese for being sissy. Must also be male, has a beard from here to there, and to have never ever had an association with a frère. Another crucial condition: the speaker must be a follower of Khomeni on Twitter.
- I will turn the Nile's water into شربات
- Amer Karim (the blogger) will be the next president
- شرم الشيخ will be called شرم الشيخة instead to promote women rights
- محمد سعد will be put in jail and never to act again. Ever
- the Sinai Peninsula will be renamed Camel Toe (دبشة I know!)
- سمير غانم will be prohibited from wearing his hair piece
...or walking outside your room unless you're leaving or coming in.8X8 room, Chinese female preferred, no cooking, drinking, eating...
--Peeing after 9pm or before 9am is absolutely prohibited (the toilet is a little too noisy) #2 is only allowed on the weekends.
--Breathing too loud or sounds originating from your room above 30 decibels are not acceptable (my hearing aid is too sensitive).
--Showers are only allowed every other day with water temperature not exceeding 70 degrees (pg&e is through the roof).
--I require biweekly room inspections to verify the status of the carpet, wall paint, and that the nail on the southern wall is still in place.
--In-house Sunday service is mandatory of all tenants.
--Internet is available. But, there is a 1MB daily limit.
--One visitor only for a limit of thirty (30) minutes a month.
It's a wholesome living environment that you will love. If interested, please send us the following:
--Tax returns for the past three years.
--Your bank statements for the past two (2) years.
--Your recent (few days recent) credit report from all three (3) credit reporting agencies.
--A printout of your DMV driving record for the past seven (7) years.
--Photocopies of your driver license, social security number card, birth certificate, and proof of legal residency.
--Your rental history for the past five (5) years with phone numbers of landlords and neighbors on all sides of the property.
--Five (5) references attesting to your good moral character.
--Two (2) months' rent in advance, a cleaning deposit of one month's (1) rent, and one (1) month's rent as your share of the house-fund.
We will disclose the exact location of the property as soon as the above documents and funds are in our possession.
we hope to hear from you soon.
your future housemates.
- National month of Classic Street Games. It's a month when حجلة, سبع حجار، and marbles (جلول) are enjoyed in Adults-only events around the country. People can organize private حجلة (hopscotch) parties. Kids can sit back and watch, while discussing politics and latest news.
- National Egyptian History month is when Jordanians can celebrate by eating فسيخ، صيادية، and ملوخية بالارانب. This month is also about being nice to Egyptians in the country for a change. Jordanians can think of them as equal human beings for at least a month.
- National Maids Month is when Jordanian women are to take out their Sri Lankan, Philipino, or Indonesian maids for a dinner and relieve them of their borderline-slave conditions at home! It is also a month when Jordanian parents should assume their parenting responsibilities for god's sake!
- National Conspiracy Theories month is when Jordanians participate in a national competition of coming up with the most absurd conspiracy theory imaginable. This month will prohibit the government from commenting on these theories (which is easy to do) and will present the winners with publishing theirs as a front page story in شيحان.
- National School Uniform month is when Jordanians are to wear khakis (for men) and green مريول (for women), or they can switch for the sake of experimenting. Women can walk around slowly and men can follow them and say أموت بالاخضر انا!
- National Rumors months is when Jordanians abstain from saying anything even remotely true. It would be the equivalent of April's fool day, but for a whole month.
- National Football month is when Jordanians are to celebrate football by playing in the streets and organizing دوري حارات. Because of football's importance, it's not to be included in #1 above. People are encouraged to wear their favorite team's Jerseys and to brag about their accomplishments.
- National مقلوبة Awareness month is when Jordanians are to celebrate مقلوبة in all its forms: زهرة، فول، بتنجان،و بطاطا with all the usual accompanying dishes: سلطة، لبن، و مخللات.
- National خاروف month is when خاروف petting zoos open up across the country and parents would take their kids to meet the following month’s meat.
- National Mansaf month is when Jordanian Butchers and Super Markets are prohibited from selling Sudani, Bulgarian, and Australian meats and جميد سائل. Rice must be yellow, and only pinenuts are allowed as garnish.
- National فقّوس month is when the whole country transforms into a مخلل factory. The little known and under-appreciated vegetable takes the spot light from its more prominent cousin: the cucumber. Day long workshops will be held at farms throughout the country for the duration of the month.
- And finally, and most important, is National Smiling month. It is a month that shifts all police and traffic control personnel into issuing a citation to any frowning Jordanian. But, it does not stop at that, equally punished are those telling jokes that aren’t funny, cussing for any reason, and those that are زنخين no matter what they do.
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pick one from each category. Don't tell me "these are not 10, they're 37!"