Interview with His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan

as I was promised during my coverage of the royal conversations, His Majesty King Abdullah II has agreed to sit and talk about any and all subjects pertaining to Jordan. The interview took place at the Royal Court yesterday and was the first interview for His Majesty with a blogger. following is the complete, unadulterated transcript.

Me: your majesty, thank you very much for giving me the chance, or any Jordanian for that matter, to ask you real questions away from the usual ass-kissing interviews of Alrai, et al.

King: no problem at all. usually I answer real questions, if they're asked.

Me: see, the thing is...real questions are aplenty out there. Are you talking to the right people?

King: well, as you have seen, I have a few thousands working at the royal court alone. I think they represent a cross section of Jordanian society. if they have any problem, I am willing to listen. I am approachable, hence this interview!

Me: I believe it is hard to complain or bring to your attention an issue, if you're paying these thousands to be here without merit. I don't think they would like the attention. Anyways, let us talk bandoura.

King: Sure.

Me: It's no secret that Jordanians are going through very difficult economic conditions. prices are increasing at an alarming rate, unemployment is very high, and taxes have only risen in the past ten years. In other words, it's no Southern Italy. My question is: do you, or the appointed government, have any real, fundamental solutions to Jordan's chronic economic problems?

King: look, I've traveled the world soliciting investments and aid. And I am making progress with many large projects underway and planned and...

Me: excuse me, your majesty, we have always asked for the fish. Isn't it time to catch our own?

King: I see what you're saying. the matter of fact is that I am surrounded with many naysayers of the tsok type, who are making progress difficult.

Me: and why do you surround yourself with these numbnuts? they will only support the projects benefiting them. And by the way, why do we always have the same god damned names in the government? sometimes it is hard to know in what decade we're in, if first names were omitted!

King: well...it's an inner circle I inherited. I can't start anew. They know too much to be sidelined. they'll feel like crap...

Me: fair enough (not really). since we're talking about crap, how about the upcoming elections? why are we still ignoring the requests of an election law that truly represents Jordan's demographics of today?

King: Listen...if we were to allow for that to happen, the Islamic Front would be the dominating block, Palestinians would be the majority, women wouldn't be represented, and I would have no friends! in other words I would have to dissolve the parliament in a years time. Just like I did last year, but for different reasons.

Me: reasons like...?

King: I'd rather not talk about them now. (grabs tissue)

Me: OK OK...let's talk about something that was allover the news a few years ago. you said that Jordan would eventually become a constitutional monarchy. When do you think that eventuality would take place?

King: are you serious? those were different times. You can't argue with ~$700MM in annual aid, can you?!

Me: I guess I can't!...let's talk education.

King: Shoot...

Me: you keep touting the merits of Jordan's education system, while you and most high level officials and members of the royal family continue to pursue Western universities for themselves and their children. why? if not now, when will the time come to overhaul education in Jordan?

King: I agree. education sucks in this country. it's still stuck in the memorizing era. but, we are making progress. for example, you know, that thing, ahhh, I mean....

Me: aha, yeah. you know what? مرارتي رايحة تفقع، therefore, let me end my own misery right here right know and thank you for your time.

King: تعال كُل يوم.

Me: no, thanks!