Royal Conversation VI

Note: if you wish to leave a comment, please do so as an anonymous.

(King Abdullah summons Dr. Khalid Al Karaki and Dr. Walid Maani to the Royal Court. meeting attended by PM Al Rifai)
Al Karaki: دمتم صباحا يا صاحب الجلالة....يا سيدي أسعف فمي ليقول...
King Abdullah: Just sit down.
Al karaki: 7adir, sidi.
King Abdullah: The reason I wanted to meet you and Walid is that I would like us four to discuss the country's education system. As you know, Samir here opted to put the whole system in the hands of two كركية. I am not sure about his motives or plans, but I would like to hear from both of you.
Maani: Sidi, if I may, I would like to thank you for your trust in us to overhaul the system.
King Abdullah: Overhaul what, 7abibi? You were in the same position 8 years ago and nothing was "overhauled!"
Al Karaki: looool
Maani: what are you laughing at? you, too, were in the same position in 1991!!
Al Karaki: yeah, but for one month only. I wasn't even done receiving المهنئين and they get rid of me
King Abdullah: Samir, if these two have been in these positions before, why did you hire them back? I thought you were all about fresh blood? what happened there, harvy?
Al Rifai: Sidi, I just called up the list given to me by Al Louzi. I didn't even know these two guys. I never worked with either one at JDC!
King Abdullah: What was Al Louzi's rationale?
Al Rifai: he said these two are from Al Karak and are less susceptible to infighting.
King Abdullah: Are you two aware of the relationship between your ministries?
Maani: of course, sidi. we make sure everything is blamed on the other so nothing gets done :)
King Abdullah: :) you have a sense of humor, Walid. I didn't know that.
Maani: thank you, sidi...no, no, no seriously, If I could get better students from el tawjihi, I may be able to transform our higher education system to match that of industrial nations.
King Abdullah: that's very ambitious....and you, Khaled, what's your excuse?
Al Karaki: Sidi, if I could get better teachers graduating from our universities, I will make our schools the envy of the world.
King Abdullah: Well, both of you have been the president of Jordan university, both of you have been the Minister of Higher Education, and both of you have been the minister of Education!! يعني جايين تسرحوا فيّا؟ الحق مِش عليكو، الحق على إللي عيّنكو
Al Rifai: Sidi, but but
King Abdullah: bala but, bala garaf.....all of you just leave....اللهم إنّي صائم
.
..
...
(10 minutes later, after his majesty had a chance to calm down a little)
mab3oos: your majesty, are we still on for the no red-lines, all in, nothing censored interview you promised me last week?
King Abdullah: Yes, يا أخي. Just like I told you.
mab3oos: thank you very much, sidi. tomorrow it is, then.

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an Egyptian in Jordan: Racism and hot chicks

An Egyptian friend of mine was in Amman for the Summer. Here are a few of his observations:

• His Jordanian landlord in Jabal Elweibdeh flinched when heard of his nationality and tried to over charge him for utilities. (Shame on you يا ساقط يا سرسري) anyways, he found another, better place in western Amman.
• while riding a ميكروبص he dropped a metal 0.5JD (وأعت نُص ضنار بين المئاعد) he dropped on his knees and started looking for it while everyone was wondering what he was doing. Finally two other passengers took out نُص ليرة and offered to give them to him (!صعبت عليهم)
• had Mansaf at gabri and Knafeh at Habibah (BTW he swore that my Mansaf was a lot better. well, anybody's Mansaf is a lot better than Jabri's)
• He was shocked to see scantily dressed Ammani girls at Upstairs. He mentioned that those tramps would trump American girls! but, at the same time he wondered about all the honor crimes happening in the country. Well, I guess there are two Jordans. 
• In general, Jordanians were very nice but not Palestinians. (ouch!!) 
• Palestinians hated him a little more for being an Egyptian. (understandable)

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من شان الله يا عبدالله

رئيس الوزارء بدُه يشرشح رنا الصبّاغ بالمحاكم

" رئيس الوزراء سمير الرفاعي هددها بمحكمة امن الدولة بسبب مقالة لها نشرت في صحيفة العرب اليوم قبل ايام"

المصدر

وزير الزراعة بده يترفّش ببطون المزارعين

" أنا لا اسمح برفع الصوت واطالة اللسان وأنا سمير مراد وساضرب بيد من حديد"

المصدر

وزير الثقافة يلخم مخرج خمّاسي بنص صباحه

" فكان رد الوزير سريعا بعيدا عن لغة الحوار والنقاش ليفاجئ المخرج بكف على وجه"

المصدر

وزير التربية ما بدُه المعلمين يكونوا حفرتلية

طالب وزير التربية، إبراهيم بدران، من المعلمين حلق ذقونهم قبل دخولهم الصفوف...الفيديو تحشيش

المصدر

في كثير أمثلة من بلطجية الحكومة الغير مسؤولة امام القضاء

المعذرة من خالد محّادين لسرقة العنوان

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King Abdullah's International trips Vs US Presidents

So far this year, King Abdullah was on the road visiting the following countries:

January 4th Egypt
January 5th Saudi Arabia

January 21st Bahrain

January 22nd Oman

January 27th Spain

January 28th Switzerland

February 18th Destination not announced (private visit)

February 25th Oman (Private Visit)

March 7th United Kingdom

March 10th Russia

March 25th Libya

April 1st Japan

April 6th UAE

April 10th USA

April 22nd Egypt

May 15th Azerbaijan

June 9th United Kingdom

June 11th USA (+ private visit)

June 14th Norway

July 9th USA (+private visit-motorcycle rides in CA)

July 31st Destination not announced (private visit)

August 12th Egypt

August 18th United Kingdom

August 22nd Saudi Arabia

August 24th Bahrain

August 25th Kuwait

source

in contrast, US presidents had the following trips logged during their first 6 months in office: (source)

One thing I can glean from this huge difference is that Jordan lacks competent officials to carry out high level talks with world leaders.

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Royal Conversation V

Note: if you wish to leave a comment, please do so as an anonymous.

(15 minutes Later Dr. Abu Hammour zooms into the Royal court with a folder under his left arm, thick-framed eyeglasses, panting and sweating)
King Abdullah: Doctor Abu Hammour, sorry to get you here today for nothing. I am not in the mood right now. Please come back tomorrow.
Abu Hammour: 7adir, Sidi.


the next day:
Abu Hammour walks into His Majesty's office. Samir Al Rifai and Scott Schuster were also in attendance.
King Abdullah: I apologize for not meeting with you yesterday, Abu Hammour.
Abu Hammour: don't sweat it, sidi. 3al3afieh, Abu Zaid. How's it hangin' Scottie?
King Abdullah: the reason I wanted to talk to you is that I am getting a sense that there will be a deficit in the budget. Isn't there a way we can spur the economy a little to cover up.
Abu Hammour: tsok! sidi. We raised all taxes, introduced new taxes, and we're receiving all the aid we could. There's one remaining source, however.
King Abdullah: what is it?
Abu Hammour: we're still subsidizing natural Gas Cylinders. with the upcoming winter, we could cover the deficit and more.
King Abdullah: no, no, no. kolshi wala estwanat el ghaz.
Al Rifai: b3ard el sal6 ana. I am losing my popularity as it is. Please find another way.
Schuster: If I may, what if the income tax system was a little modified into being a progressive tax system? wouldn't that be fair to all and allow for those with the ability to pay more to carry a bigger share of budget requirements.

(King Abdullah, Al Rifai, and Abu Hammour all burst into tear inducing laughter)

King Abdullah: Release the hounds!

(Schuster runs away for his life)

King Abdullah: Ok, here's what we're going to do: I want you, Abu Hammour, to study converting the whole Kingdom into a Special Economic Zone ala Aqaba. Then, we'll rent out El Ramtha to Syria, Al Azraq to Iraq, and Ma'an to Saudi Arabia. wait...make Ma'an a rent to own scheme. Between Walid and Omar, Ma'an is more headache than Jiddy allah yer7amo thought it would be.

Abu Hammour: 7adir, sidi.

King Abdullah: Exellent! Sameethers, we're done with Sal6i, call up El Karaki.
Al Rifai: 7adir, sidi.

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Royal Conversation IV (Crimes against Women)

Note: if you wish to leave a comment, please do so as an anonymous.

King Abdullah: Abu Zaid, can you please give Abu Hammour a call. Ask him to come over.
Al Rifai: 7adir sidi.
Queen Rania: Abu Hsain, I need to talk to you about something very important.
King Abdullah: Samir...take a hike. go ahead ya 7ayati. What's on your mind?
Queen Rania: The other day, a mother of three was murdered in her sleep by her husband. This has happened before in the name of honor and otherwise. It doesn't seem to be subsiding even after I tweet about it! I can't keep preaching to the world of Jordan's modernity, moderation, and gender equality, if this continues.
King Abdullah: Sha3ib mota5alif! What can I do?
Queen Rania: I was thinking since the government has been issuing temp. laws left and right in the absence of the good for nothing Parliament, shouldn't they work on a law that equally, fully, and unequivocally protects women against violent acts committed against them by whoever? One day it's the husband, the next it's the father and her siblings, what's next? What are we waiting for? Shouldn't we once and for all treat women as equals with respect and dignity? Shouldn't there be a public right if the family of the wronged drops charges, as they always do? after all, you included in the Amman Message a passage from the Holy Quran:

"whoever kills a soul unless for a soul or for corruption [done] in the land - it is as if he had slain mankind entirely." المائدة :32

King Abdullah: Inti bas o'omory!....SAMIR, come in.
Al RIfai: Yes, sir.
King Abdulllah: Your next project before the next parliament holds it's first session is to go through civil rights laws line by line and make sure women are to be treated better than men in this country. I am sick of all this violence and degradation of women. They are our mothers, daughters, sisters, and wives. Enough is enough. I don't want to hear a single word about tribal laws and culture this and culture that. Just get it done!
Al Rifai: 7adir, Sidi.


(15 minutes Later Dr. Abu Hammour zooms into the Royal court with a folder under his left arm, thick-framed eyeglasses, panting and sweating)
King Abdullah: Doctor Abu Hammour, sorry to get you here today for nothing. I am not in the mood right now. Please come back tomorrow.
Abu Hammour: 7adir, Sidi.

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Royal Conversation III

Note: if you wish to leave a comment, please do so as an anonymous. 

King Abdullah: we would like to talk to you about our embassy in Washington. who do you have in mind? 
Al Rifai: Sidi, one thing...who is this guy (points at me)

King Abdullah: I'll tell you later.

Al Rifai: Sidi, for that position there are a few very capable and professional former co-workers of mine at JDC who are looking to serve *wink* this country. 
King Abdullah: I thought we brought over all of your "co-workers." Anyways, I was thinking of Shadi Al Majali as a replacement to Prince Zaid. 
Al Rifai: Sidi, with all due respect, شو جاب طُز لمرحبا?
King Abdullah: well, I like the element of surprise :) 
Al Rifai: Sidi, how about Prince Hamzah. I think he's very capable and will keep the high profile this position demands.
Prince Faisal: e7em!
Al Rifai: excuse me, Prince Faisal, but I didn't think you would be interested in an ambassadorship. 
Prince Faisal: I think it would be a good change. Dude, I forgot what married life was like until recently! 
All three: looool (Queen Rania gives a look of disapproval)
King Abdullah: well, let's see what Hillary says. She might have someone in mind already...anyways, how do you see Judeh? Is he giving you any trouble?
Al Rifai: No, not at all. We actually have a play date tomorrow. 
Prince Hussein: Can I come, Can I come?! Please, 3ammo Samir?
Al Rifai: I don't think it would be appropriate, your highness. 
Prince Hussein: never mind...*exits room stomping and saying* بدّي أشوف اخرتها مع my highness! 
Queen Rania: What did you say, young man?! 
Prince Hussein: nothing...I was coughing! 
King Abdullah: Abu Zaid, can you please give Abu Hammour a call. Ask him to come over. 
Al Rifai: 7adir sidi. 


to be continued...

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Royal Conversation II

Note: for the person from the royal court who checked this post 17 times in the past 48 hours: please leave a comment and tell me what you're looking for so I could give it to you. I am just worried about your keyboard's F5 key :)

Royal Conversation I


King Abdullah: Crowd Sourcing is the future?! I might get the next cabinet formed that way.
(phone rings)
King Abdullah (sees caller ID): ...جبنا سيرة القُط
King Abdullah: Abu Zaid, ibin 7alal, we were just talking about you (rolls eyes)
Alrifai: (Inaudible)
King Abdullah: you are on your way? Great. We'll wait. (hangs up)
King Abdullah: Let's watch some TV until he gets here...(click...click...click)
Prince Faisal: No Chance in Hell!! We're not watching Dharma and Greg! let's see what's on the Discovery Channel...
King Abdullah: Nerd!
(Queen Rania steps in and wrestle away with the remote control)
Queen Rania: I've had it with you two! we're watching the tourist swap twisit videos.
King Abdullah and prince Faisal: oooh no, not again!
Queen Rania: Eeny, meeny, miny, moe... Catch a...
Prince Faisal: What are doing?
Queen Rania: I am choosing twisit finalists
Prince Faisal: I thought you were going to let the people choose!
(Queen Rania and King Abduallah burst into laughter)
Prince Hussein (humming): ...Catch a bad chick by her toe...If she holla (if, if, if she holla) let her go...
Arrival of Al Rifai announced...he enters
(greetings, hellos, and formalities would ensue for the next 15 minutes)
King Abdullah: we would like to talk to you about our embassy in Washington. who do you have in mind?


to be continued...

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A Royal Conversation

it's impossible to know what really goes on during a meeting that includes King Abdullah and his extended family, or even one that includes the heads of other branches of government, such as the prime minister. Well, unless the topic was of extreme positivity and bound to help improve the royal/gov image, or that there's a new الاردن اولاً-ish campaign, you will never hear a thing. maybe دبّور would say that سيارة دولة الرئيس was seen at the royal court in the late evening hours. But, that's about it. However, mab3oos was recently invited to "audit" a meeting of the highest caliber. One condition was put on the table: that mab3oos doesn't say a word during the meeting. That, however, left the door open for mab3oos to report on the meeting and get the word out. here we go:

King Abdullah is in a royal family meeting to discuss foreign policy:
Prince Faisal: shouldn't we include Judeh. he's the foreign minster after all!
King Abdullah: nah...his mustache is a distraction. besides, he'll be tweeting and not paying attention.
Prince Hussein: as the crown prince, i would like to put forward my view on the peace process.
Prince Faisal: Are you done with your homework, 3ammo?
Prince Hussein: almost...I still have to write an essay on freedom of speech. do you know of any primary sources I could cite?
King Abdullah and Prince Faisal: looooooool...talk to Safadi, he'll make up some sources for you loooool
Queen Rania enters....
Queen Rania: I am so proud of my fellow Jordanians. They do a better job than the imbeciles at the Tourism Ministry and Tourism Board!
King Abdullah: mish goltilik Crowd Sourcing is the future?! I might get the next cabinet formed that way. (phone rings)
King Abdullah sees caller ID and says: جبنا سيرة القُط...

to be continued...

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Breaking: Jordanian Parliamentary Elections to be held on facebook

in an effort to solidify the notion that Jordan is fast becoming the center of tech entrepreneurship in the Middle East and in preparation for the 10 10 10 ICT Forum, Jordanian Prime Minister Samir Al Rifai moments ago tweeted the announcement that the upcoming Nov. 2010 Parliamentary election will be held on facebook. The process will be straight forward, transparent, efficient, and results will be instantly available to all those with accounts on the site.

The process explained in a Press Release as follows:

• all candidates must have a profile on facebook with a recent profile pic
• you must have an account on facebook in order to vote
• voting will be using the "Like" button on each candidate page
• each voter is allowed to pick a whole parliament. that's 120 votes!
• after each vote, a voter will be presented with a فاصل إعلاني from candidates
• after each vote, a list of "recommended candidates" is displayed in the manner of "voters who voted for this candidate also voted for X, Y, and Z"
• voters are to "poke" candidates on issues important to them
• voters automatically become friends with the candidate they vote for. So, pick wisely

this post was brought to you with the support of

حملة سمعّنا صوتك

إنتخب، من شان الله إنتخب

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Arabs need to Read!

This article made me think of the countless attempts at, and gross inefficiency, of many of the Jordanian government's initiatives, programs, and plans, aiming at improving the future of young Jordanians, their skills, and sharpen their analytical abilities.

I am thinking of a حملة/مبادرة كتابي, in which all Jordanian students are required to read, summarize/analyze, and present a book, in any language, discipline, or literary form. there are books that are suitable for all grade levels and ages and could be read in a week's time.

what really pisses me off is that the cost of one مكرمة to send a few pampered ass brats to UK/USA for 4 years will probably cover the cost of such initiative for all the country's school children. acquire the rights to print a thousand copies of a thousand books and rotate between the kingdom's schools. imagine the results in 5 years.

King Abdullah, did you know that selling this plane will buy a kindle to every Jordanian student? (imagine the bulk discount Bezos will give you. hey...even Fadi will pitch in free shipping!)

Queen Rania, before you invite the world to visit Jordan, could we please work on a presentable, real Jordan first. I mean even my grandma tidies up before her neighbor of 40 years comes over for coffee!

Dr. karaki, this could be your خطة خمسية. I know you will probably be a member of مجلس الاعيان in 18 months. But, it's worth it.

this post was brought to you by مكتبة الامانة

من شان الله) زورني كُل سنة مرة) 

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